Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Lesson #3: The Cure For Insomnia

I've learned things on the job besides discipline, believe me. Among them is the cure for insomnia. It was discovered quite by accident, and I'm positive that many generations of parents have discovered it before me; but allow me to present it to you anyway.

Quite simply, to cure your own insomnia, you must try to cure a baby's.

Now, chances are good that if you have a baby who happens to be an insomniac, you most likely have absolutely no trouble falling asleep at any time of day in whatever position you happen to be in when there's a lull in the activity. So this is for your friends who have trouble sleeping. Invite them over, charge them $50, give them your wide-awake child, and then go crawl into bed yourself. Be sure to provide them with the following:

1. a good rocking chair
2. a CD of lullabies on repeat
3. a noisemaker playing ocean sounds
4. a bottle or pacifier to provide rhythmic sucking
5. a warm sleep sac for the baby

If you leave them with the above items in a dimly lit room, it won't be long at all before your child has earned that fifty bucks.

Assuming you have lots of friends, and at least three quarters of them are insomniacs, you could make a fortune!

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